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Memo – Office Jokes

To all Employees:

Effective January 2007

Dress Code

1. It is advised that you come to work
dressed according to your salary. If we
see you wearing Prada shoes and
carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are
doing well financially and therefore do
not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to
learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are
right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a pay raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor’s
certificate as proof of sickness.

If you are able to go to the doctor,
you are able to come to work.

Holiday Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal
days a year. They are called Saturday &
Sunday.

Compassionate Leave

This is no excuse for missing work.
There is nothing you can do for dead
friends, relatives or co-workers. Every
effort should be made to have non-
employees attend to the arrangements.

In rare cases where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral
should be scheduled in the late
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you
to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use

1. Entirely too much time is being
spent in the toilet. There is now a
strict three-minute time limit in the
cubicles.

2. At the end of three minutes, an
alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the cubicle door will
open, and your picture will be taken.

3. After your second offence, your
picture will be posted on the company
notice board under the “Chronic
Offenders” category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture
will be sanctioned under the company’s
mental health policy.

Lunch Break

1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for
lunch, as they need to eat more so that
they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes
for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for
lunch, because that’s all the time
needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our
company. Remember we are an employer of
choice and we are here to provide a
positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations,
contemplations, consternation and input
should be directed elsewhere.

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